While outsized and disproportionate, it was sparked by a true feeling of injustice or inequity in the division of labour at home. The worst and most destructive of all those symptoms was the anger.
It is also blind anger and an irritability that disrupts my organizational capacity (a methodical cook and baker when well, I become scattered and unfocused when sick) and ability to deal with everyday things like a messy living room or a stressful morning of work. The thing is, depression for me is not only an inability to feel joy, a terror of having to socialize and fake wellness, and in the lowest points, the loss of energy even to get out of bed. Like a ball of fire falling from the sky, I was burning and destroying everything that I came into contact with as I crashed into the ground.
I am convinced that the weight I’ve gained in the last few is due to the medication I started taking five years ago in 2016.Īt the time, I had suffered three miscarriages in three consecutive years -no apparent medical reason for any of them -and I was spiraling down like a shut-down plane. Today is day seven or ten (I’m not counting), since I stopped taking my depression medication. What I now understand as well is, sooner or later, our minds betray us too. I still believe that sentence to be true. I said that once in this blog, as the opening line of my post on Michael Haneke’s devastating masterpiece Amour.